Finding Self-love.

"Self-love is so important. Because when you find yourself crying on that bathroom floor whether it's three am or five in the afternoon, who is going to be there for you? You. You have to pick yourself up and find the strength to move on. At the end of the day, you're all you've got."

If you've ever experienced a break-up, a divorce, or you've been cheated on or your partner has had an affair, it can be quite the damaging experience and can completely knock your self-confidence. Love is as beautiful as it can be painful. When you love something so passionately and deeply, it can be an incredibly tough pill to swallow when that person is no longer in your life.

I don't imagine there are many break-ups that are pleasant. Even if it was mutual, I imagine it was still somewhat heartbreaking and uncomfortable, and when it's not amicable, you certainly have your days when you don't know when the tears are going to stop. So, how then do we pick ourselves up at a time in our lives when we feel worthless, not good enough and unlovable?

You have probably heard of the term self-love, right? It's everywhere at the moment, from movies to books to music, the world is talking more and more about self-love and it's importance and I for one think it's a wonderful thing.

I will admit that in the past I never put too much thought into self-love, until it slapped me in the face rather viciously recently and told me to pay more attention. I had an amazing family, awesome friends and an incredible husband and therefore love was never in short supply; I was surrounded by it. Love and self-love is the same thing, surely?

"The only keeper of your happiness is you. Stop giving people the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude." - Mandy Hale

Well, not quite. When the love that you thought was forever walks out of your life and doesn't look back and you are left with nothing but self doubt, questions and a crushed soul, self-love might just become your best friend. If you're struggling with self-confidence or dealing with any of the things I mentioned above, I wanted to share some ways in which you can practice self-love each day. I hope it can help you! Also, please know that self-love will be different for everyone. I feel these tips might help you find yours.

1) Just because you love something, it doesn't mean it has to love you back or that others will love it too. This might sound a little harsh when it comes to relationships but hear me out. I'm thirty years old and I bloody love One Direction. Am I going to stop loving One Direction because other people might not love them and might think i'm a little crazy? Hell no. So now, when you're feeling heartbroken and unlovable, use that mentality; "Even if so and so doesn't love me, I love me. I can and I will love me. I might not be everyone's cup of tea but I like me...and I can and I will sing One Direction songs at the top of my lungs for days on end." That little bit of 'I love what I love, it is what it is' kind of attitude can help take the edge off the pain.

2) Meditate. Look at the moon. Watch the sunrise. Stand outside and breathe in the crisp Autumn air. You are alive. Listen to the birds. Listen to the leaves rustling and meditate on that. Truly open your eyes and look around you and see that you are being gifted all of these beautiful things each day. The universe is telling you that you are worthy of this new day.

3) Take it day by day. If you focus on the negative events that caused your self-doubt, you are simply punishing yourself more over what you lost and what you couldn't control. If you overthink the future you will overwhelm yourself with fear and worry; will this happen again? Will I ever find love again? It's too much. Focus on the now. If I can do it, believe me so can you, you got this!! Start and end every day by writing down what you are grateful for, you will be amazed by all the things you notice, from someone's laughter, a sweet message, having a roof over your head, getting to listen to your favourite song or the chance you now have in front of you to become who you were meant to be.

"When you love what you have, you have everything you need." 

4) Do more of what makes you happy and make others happy. The first part of this one might take some practice as you try to change your mindset from thinking you are being selfish, but it's important. Take sometime to figure yourself out. Create a routine that gives you purpose and fill your days with things that make you want to get up in the morning. If waking up alone in the morning is upsetting you, why not try putting your favourite book by your bed, setting your alarm a little earlier and then waking up, preparing a steaming hot cup of coffee and enjoying a few chapters in bed? And regarding the latter, pull yourself out of the part in your psyche that is focused on you and what you are going through and be there for someone else. Yes you are in pain, yes what you are going through sucks, but (and this might sound blunt, but I say it to myself too)  it's not all about you. Be there for a friend, reach out to someone, listen to their story and come away from your own. The more you connect with others, the more you will realize that there is still love to be given and love to be had in so many different forms.

5) Feel. You might think that telling yourself positive quotes, blasting break-up songs and putting on a brave smile is looking after yourself, (if it makes you feel good, do it) but honestly, you have to let yourself feel. (I thank my friends for this wisdom and for allowing me to express mine.) You have to face your feelings and get them out, even if you're afraid of them, even if you've been told you're too emotional, you need to know that your feelings matter. Your feelings are what will help you navigate the healing process and help you understand what you are going through. This, I feel is the most personal journey and most valuable. If you can really feel a feeling, write it down, express it, you will begin to unravel yourself and learn about yourself. You will step outside yourself, learn to process each feeling better and what it is trying to teach you and you will get stronger. It will become less about what happened and more about how you can learn, grow and be a better, more complete person.

Now, these are things you will have to practice each day. When you have those crippling moments of anxiety, self-doubt and the insecurities start nipping at your brain, this is when you harness the above. You take action and try and replace those negative thoughts and actions with meditating or writing or doing something that, like the saying goes, sets your soul on fire. When you take that action that sets your soul on fire and you feel the happiness in your bones, you will feel the power that you have, that it's in your hands, that YOU are entirely up to you!

"Sometimes the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you." 

I'd be grateful to know what self-love means to you and how you practice it each day, in the comments below.



  1. Self love to me is being accepting of yourself in your current state and loving yourself as a whole. Even on your bad days you still know you’re one of a kind and worthy.

    1. Aww thank you so much for reading and for your comment Veronica, it means so much. Definitely trying to work on that. I think that's a lovely way of looking at self-love. Lucy xx

  2. I totally agree with all of these! I find that something me loving my blog, doesn't mean it will love me back some days! I always take things day by day as I'll overload myself with worry about future things when I think about them. Great post girls :) Tania Michele xx

    1. Aww thank you for reading Tania. We do that with our blog too and yes, it's so important to take it day by day. It helps to appreciate and enjoy things better and is a constant practice! :) Lucy xx