Changing the channel.

"I'm here in this moment to tell you that you are beautiful and that you have everything you need." - Russell Brand.

When going through a big life change we can sometimes put pressure on ourselves to face it alone. I know I have done this and I still do. You don't want to be a burden to anyone. You might feel weak and silly, not wanting anyone to know your fears. You stare in the mirror, talking to yourself, willing yourself to get a grip and be strong and you get mad at yourself that you alone aren't capable of figuring it all out and fixing yourself no matter how hard you try. 

I've been incredibly grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing family and group of friends over the past few months. Their support system has been invaluable to me and I will forever be thankful. 

However, it's in those minutes in the day where I am on my own that I have been having to reprogram my brain and the way in which I choose to think. It's not something I have ever really given much thought, up until recently. Furthermore, i'm learning that being on my own doesn't have to mean I feel/am alone. Let me explain...

I labeled myself an over thinker, a worrier, sometimes a pessimist, and grew to thinking that that was just me. We all have those quirks that we are told are just a part of our personality. Quirks that are sometimes romanticized. I'm a bookworm, I've met my fair share of leading ladies who are cute over thinkers and completely endearing in their flustered states. And, I adore these ladies and the men too. I adore their quirks. I love that they aren't perfectly together all the time. I love that they get frazzled, that they have worries, but there are only so many times you can beat yourself up with worry and negative thinking before somethings got to give.

"Let go. Because there ain't no point in carrying misery around." - Russell Brand

The give for me was the feeling of going round in circles, ultimately not getting anywhere and feeling utterly miserable because of it. I was talking to myself about the same thing thinking that I was suddenly going to give myself the right answers or that it would change what had happened. When really, all I was doing was punishing myself. I'd programmed my brain to replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, to talk and talk about it in order to fix it and figure it out, and it all became too much. I wasn't helping myself, only hurting myself more. 

"A pain in the leg means don't put pressure on this leg. A pain in the mind means change the way you live." - Russell Brand

When on my own, and not distracted by my friends or family, my mind played host to the most wonderful of self depreciating, hateful, insecure thoughts. I longed to be like the beautiful people of Instagram and the girls confidently belting out songs about moving on (getting there). I sat and pondered how long it would take for my brain to get over it and be OK and when I would find the inspiration to get up and clean the house and be happy again. Then I came across Jay Shetty. 

I stopped scrolling and started learning. I stopped moping and started studying. 

The more I watched Jay Shetty, the more my mind started to evolve. I started watching Russell Brand again and devoured his book "Recovery. Freedom from our addictions" in a matter of days. I realized that my mind was not one day suddenly going to be OK and that if I wanted to get better I needed to work at getting better. These guys could help me, if I let them in. I now had other voices in my head that I could choose to listen to.

For me it was an epiphany, either stick with your brains usual programming or change the channel. 

We can often become stubborn in our ways and create excuses for ourselves that we don't realize are excuses. We search outside ourselves for things to make us happy. Let me tell you, the expensive yellow chair in my office did not fix all my problems. Decorating my office and telling my brain that it doesn't have to be sad anymore because i'm an author, didn't make the hurt go away. It was easy to mask it with stuff and labels and way too scary to think of changing my perspective, that I might possibly be in control of more than I think. But I am. YOU are. 

"Being positive doesn't mean you don't ever have negative thoughts. It just means you don't let those thoughts control your life." - Jay Shetty.

Being able to say I'm an author helped in that I had to get my brain to shift to all the positive areas of my life; to which I have many, that just being one of them. But I had to take away the Pinterest worthy office, the label of author, the mirage, the smoke and mirrors and realize that that is not what I need. Simply writing makes me happy. The writing is within me. It wasn't about the outside world or success or the yellow chair, it was about the happiness picking up a pen bought to me. I don't have to punish myself thinking about not being worth it or good enough, when I can think about writing and being a better person, a better friend and so on. That all comes from within me. It comes from the thoughts I choose to have and what I put value on.

Now, this isn't about running away from fears or not dealing with situations, its about taking control of what you can control and not hurting yourself over what you can't. You can't control how someone treats you but you can control how long you let their words and actions fester in your mind. It takes hard work, but you have the power to change that channel. Don't mask it with fancy labels or material things and don't allow yourself to suffer with listening to that one voice in your head just because that's what you've always done. 

I'm still learning. Whenever I have a negative thought or get down, I shift my attention to something I am grateful for. If it's a problem I can't shake, I create a good space in my home and listen to Russell Brand, Jay Shetty or my friend Jamin Olivencia. I'm learning to get through it rather than getting mad at myself for not getting over it. But I have realized the importance of my mind and how getting through it isn't about wishing to be like someone else or waiting for the day I wake up with a confident and happy mind, it's about working on myself from within and being willing to grow, change and above all be kind to myself each and every day. 

Don't ever feel alone. If you can pick up your phone and scroll through Instagram, you can pick it up and listen to Russell Brand. And I honestly beg of you to do that. I can't express how much his guidance has helped me recently and it can help you too.

"The eternal void is filled with infinite possibility."- laozi

How do you cope with negativity? Do you meditate? Have any of you read Russell Brands book? I'd love to know in the comments below.

If you find yourself struggling with depression or anxiety and these steps don't help, please reach out and get the help you need because you are so freaking worth it!!! Please know that!! 

Nothing but love.


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