Grandad George & Nanna Knott! :)

Last night the thunder was getting a little too much and I could not sleep a wink. I kept tossing and turning and trying to calm down but my brain wasn't having any of it. I was scared and with every flash of lightening came another panicked and nightmarish type of thought. That was until I took a deep breath and suddenly remembered something my Dad had said 16 years ago today.

"Don't be scared, it's just Grandad moving in upstairs." It's brings a tear to my eye just thinking about my Dad being so brave and telling his 4 kids that, at a time when his world had just completely shattered. My brother and sisters and I had been playing outside and having an awesome day, I was 10 at the time, when Mum and Dad called us in to tell us the heartbreaking news, that Grandad had passed away. It was the first time I had experienced a death in the family and I was at a complete loss and could not speak. Grandad had not been well for a long time, after having suffered 3 strokes, but I always loved going to the nursing home to talk to him and see him, even if he couldn't talk back. I remember what hurt the most too during this time, was seeing my Dad have to go through so much pain, I couldn't bare it and it hurts to think about it now. Over the years, we would talk about Grandad with Nanna, she would tell us stories about him and speak so fondly of him. Dad would tell my sister Kelly and I how proud he would have been with us wrestling, as he used to enjoy watching it. And he would constantly remind us of how much Grandad really loved us and that we were his pride and joy. :)

I must admit that I am the kind of person who overthinks, a lot and I can get very sad, especially in situations like this, when I just wish Grandad could have been here to hear all about our adventures, watch Kelly and I get married and to just see how incredible his son turned out. In addition, I often get upset about change and how quickly we sometimes adapt to people being gone and I feel guilty if maybe a day has gone by where I haven't thought about them. Well last night upon remembering what my Dad had said all those years ago, I smiled and closed my eyes and said 'Grandad, please can you be a little quieter re arranging the furniture.' :p I also just remembered to say hello. I honestly believe that in the hustle and bustle of life these days and my being a tad busier, my hello's had become fewer and far between. Last night I think Grandad was letting me know that he is still there and he is still looking over me and he knows and can see all that I am doing. I also think he had extra volume and umph, as Nanna joined him a few years ago! :p Again, that was far from easy, but I like to look back on all the amazing memories I have of them both!

I think I got my love of reading from Nanna, as each time we saw her, she always had a new book in hand or by the door. I have a copy of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, that I will treasure forever, after Nanna bought one each for me and my sisters. With Grandad not being well for a long time, it's hard for me to remember exactly what he was like, however, every time I think about him, I just feel love, an overwhelming sense of love. I love watching our childhood videos and one I clearly remember is Kelly and I playing Doctors with Grandad, the poor man, he didn't want to open his mouth wide and have us stick some sort of thermometer in it but by golly he did it! :) Some of my absolute favourite memories from being really little, were of going to Nanna and Grandad's house and sleeping over. We used to have our own tray tables and sit on the floor with our wipe clean colouring and letter books and Nanna and Grandad would make us scrambled egg or beans on toast for breakfast. I can smell it now and it was delicious! :)

Today, having realized it was such a long time ago, I got quite emotional, but thinking about all the happy memories and pausing to chat and think about both my Nanna and Grandad, I feel better. I've written in many of my blogs about my family, but there are times when I just can't quite express how much I love them or how they are simply the most important thing to me!

Treasure every minute with yours and love them with all the love you have and more! :)

My Nanna and Grandad are cheeky too, as they would do anything for my brother and sisters and always knew what we were into and what we liked. Nanna would sit and listen to us talk for hours about everything that was going in our lives and the latest phases we were going through. I truly believe she is still listening. After feeling a bit down this morning I got an email from The Nerd Machine telling me I had won one of the giveaways they had been doing for Nerd HQ and I couldn't believe it. I know it seems silly and like a little thing, but to me I just felt like it was Nanna and Grandad's doing, like it was them saying, "There you go, smile." :)

If you have lost a loved one, just remember to keep their memory strong and no matter where you are, be sure to tell them hi, they are listening! :)

Have a blessed and beautiful day and keep smiling! :)

Love Lulu! xxx

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