Behind the scenes with 'Wishes Under a Starlit Sky.'


This time last year my first book 'How to Bake a new Beginning' had just been published, I was settled back into living in England, in my own house, surrounded by family and friends, I had a lovely job and I had been offered another two book deal with HQ Digital UK. From the outside everything looked wonderful and happy, but on the inside, I was struggling.


In July last year my marriage came to a sudden end and I was absolutely crushed. But so much was happening, so much that I was completely grateful for, that I didn't know what to do with myself. Inside I was hurting and struggling to come to terms with what happened. I wasn't eating. I was crying myself to sleep and waking up to cry some more. I didn't want to get out of bed and I had many days off work due to my mental state. My emotions were all over the place and I was scared of every single emotion that I was dealing with. I didn't want to hurt. I disliked being so confused. I got mad at myself for being angry. I felt guilty for thinking mean thoughts and I felt utterly hopeless, worthless and not good enough. I was constantly beating myself up for every little thing.

There wasn't a peaceful moment in my house because I couldn't stop talking to myself. I kept going over and over in my head what happened; what went wrong, why I was so stupid, how I could have missed things, how I could have fixed things and, honestly, I was driving myself mad. I was incredibly lucky to have such loving and supportive family and friends but there were so many times when I felt utterly sad and alone and just gave up on the day. I felt terrified of the future and kept punishing myself with thoughts of the past. When I tell you 'The Ingredients for Happiness' was hard to both edit and write, I'm not kidding. I was so hard on myself during the entire process; feeling embarrassed by every mistake or mad at myself every time I couldn't get it right, believing I couldn't do it. I was so beyond grateful for my editors who helped me see my characters again and guide me to write with the love in my heart that those characters deserved. But I was a mess, I couldn't write about the Grandpa without crying, I was missing mine fiercely, and I found it difficult to want to write the romance. But I am so happy I kept going because that book will forever mean the world to me. It taught me not to give up and that even after loss you must celebrate and push forward to find the light.

Moreover, the reason I wanted to open up a little with you today is that a little over a year later and I'm doing a lot better. I feel miles away from the person I was last year and I have learnt so much about myself. With the determination to want to grow, heal and learn from all those around me and listen to what the Universe is trying to tell me, I feel more like I am in control of what i'm doing and where I want to go. I've learnt to be more aware of every feeling I have and trying to find the root of it and breathe through it. And, now more than ever, I focus on each moment rather than the big picture. If I try and think too far ahead, I panic and feel overwhelmed, so I've learnt that it's best for me to take it moment by moment and maybe I can encourage you to do the same. Furthermore, people often comment about how positive and happy Kelly and I are all the time and well I wanted to be able to be a little more vulnerable with you in hopes that if you are struggling and feel like you have nowhere to turn and that you think everyone around you is always happy, that you know you are not alone. There were times when I punished myself for feeling sad because I have so many things in my life to be happy about and when people would comment about our bubbly natures, I felt bad for feeling miserable and worried that it would make people unhappy to hear me speak up about something negative, but I don't want you to ever feel like that. I don't want you to bottle it up and keep it all inside you when you need to get it out. I'm here for you.

You seriously are not alone. We all go through troubled times and our stories are all different. I sometimes struggle to put into words how much I wish to tell you that you are not alone in this world. My journey may be different to yours but I want you to know with all my heart that things get better. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and trust the adventure you are on. I'm here alongside you just trying to figure it all out too.

It might seem like a random turn to start talking about my third book 'Wishes Under a Starlit Sky' but it was during this time that this book came to be and it is incredibly special to me, in a different way than the others. When I was feeling low and really struggling to make sense of my thoughts, I would write notes in my notebooks or just scribble down what was going on to release it from my brain. I can't exactly remember when, but at some point last year when I was feeling fed up with myself, Harper popped into my head. All my feelings of wanting to run away, wanting to know what to do with my life, wanting to feel better, they all began to manifest into scenes and characters. After a little while, instead of writing down real life, I started to write down chapters and ideas for this other world and these people.

Honest to goodness, Harper became a best friend to me at a time when I really needed her. Madi made me feel comforted and reassured and as the gang started to come to life I felt my spirits lift. All the advice I had been given and the lessons I had been learning since July started to make sense as the characters in my book spoke. Through Harper I started feeling a lot of my anxiety over the future fall away as I felt that if she could be strong, then so could I; that if she could create a new life for herself, then I could too.

'Wishes Under a Starlit Sky' is a Christmas book and I do hope it is able to make you smile and that you are able to get lost in a little Christmas magic, but I also hope that for those of you who might be going through a hard time, be it you are going through a break up, divorce, family matter, trying to figure out jobs or life, I hope that you can connect with Harper and Madi and that just like my girls, that you know you have the power within you to live the life you wish for.

You are strong, you are beautiful and you are capable. And sometimes things might not always work out the way we had planned but when that happens we really do have to yell plot twist, pick up our pens and write our new path. The dreams don't necessarily change but the universe might just be telling us that there's another path to get there and that that path is full of more lessons, fun, adventure, maybe some hardships too, but we will get there when the time is right if we just keep on believing.

If you need someone to talk to and don't know quite where to turn, please reach out to those that are there to help:

Samaritans.
Mind.
Active Minds.

All my love



2 comments :

  1. I'm so happy you opened up and shared this! We all have rough periods in our lives that test our limits and then some, but you persevered and you should be so proud of yourself for that! Feel the feelings and keep evolving! Sending you lots of love!

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post Lulu and for your kind words. I truly appreciate them. It's all about evolving, i am definitely learning that! :) Sending lots of love to you too! Lucy xx

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