Hot Topic: Fitting in!

Have you ever felt worried about what you're wearing when going to a certain place? Shuffled uncomfortably walking past a big group of people? Have you ever felt like if you didn't know all the words to every song at a concert that people would think you're not a true fan? Have you're cheeks ever flushed bright red being the only person in the room to not know what's going on? Have you ever avoided shopping/eating/visiting specific places because you didn't think you belonged?

I have to admit that I can answer a big fat YES to all of the above and so many more questions in regards to today's topic...

Fitting in!

I always felt that when I was younger I was quite happy in my own little bubble, running around playing Power Rangers with my brother and sisters, building houses for our Beanie Babies and creating dance routines whenever a new S Club 7 song hit the radio. When we liked something we were quite happy to announce it to the world and put every ounce of love into it. At the age of 12, wrestling became the biggest thing in mine and Kelly's life and if I think back through my teen years, it was the only thing I never second guessed, never felt intimidated by. I remember going to WWE Rebellion at the Manchester Arena in 2001, around the age of 13, our Mum and Dad literally left it till we reached the ticket counter when they magically produced tickets to surprise us that we would actually be going to watch the show. Wide eyes and hearts pounding, I couldn't care less that I was wearing grey baggy sweat pants and a very worn in 3 Xtreme t-shirt (we were never out of those Hardy Boyz tops, so lucky for us, it suited the occasion) my hair was most definitely poofy, no straighter in sight and not a lick of makeup was on my face, yet at that time all that mattered was screaming our hearts out for Matt Hardy to win and not letting the Booker T fans out chant us. :) It continued that way in wrestling for a long time. Then around 14/15 Good Charlotte entered our lives. Again, we went full force into loving these guys, we had the hoodies, the shirts, every single and every album and a little pinch of teenage 'insecurity'. I believe this was one of the first times I really wondered if I belonged. I would get nervous going to shows, wondering if I was dressed right, if I was 'proper punk' like their other fans. Naturally I wasn't an angry at the world type person, I wasn't a disgruntled teen and I didn't hate my parents, so there were certain songs or moments when I felt I may not belong in their world. However, Good Charlotte inspired me to no end in many other ways, I had a dream and with them I had confidence in myself, so I was going to love them no matter what slight hostility I may have felt from the original 'moshers' at school. Though, having those nerves and anxiety was never much fun.

I have read many articles, heard plenty of celebrities and even my own Mother talk about the fact that when you get older you tend to care less about what other people think of you, I would smile not really thinking too much into it. I feel like I was always quite happy being me. However, just recently at the age of 27, and I'd say a few years before actually, I feel like my brain actually clicked and I truly understood the weight of not caring what people think and I could again say 'Mother knows best'.

You see, even though I am someone who can have 'down days' about if I'm doing things right or if I'm good enough or if I belong, I feel like I've always had a strong sense of being happy with who I am. After all, if I wasn't me I wouldn't have the incredible family I have, and that would more often than not be enough to make me snap out of it and feel happy in my own skin. Though that's the case, it never helped my anxiety, overthinking and my rambling ways when out in public. I used to get really upset that I always looked so silly when meeting people, or that I couldn't hold my head high and be proud of my bubbly self when in the aforementioned situations. However, as I mentioned, as I have got older, I honestly feel that those fears of looking like an idiot have somewhat disappeared. Nowadays, I will talk till the cows come home, make fun of myself and be me without thinking about what the other person is going to think. Of course I want them to like me, but at the end of the day, that is me, being me and if they don't like me, I kind of get a gratification knowing that I was myself and if they don't like that then its fine, but at least they don't like a fake me that isn't honest and doesn't really exist.

Just a few months back I went to see Dead and Company with my husband and that little fear crept back in for a few moments. I had a flash of anxiety thinking there was no way I was going to 'fit in' at a Grateful Dead concert, people are going to look at me funny, I'm not a hippie, how am I supposed to dress? I haven't been a fan for years and years, I'm just a new fan, they'll hate me and so on. When we arrived at the concert I immediately relaxed. There was a sea of people all from different walks of life, all relaxed, happy and enjoying the music. In turn I calmed down and realized that how I dressed was not important, what I looked like was no big deal, we were all there to enjoy the music that we loved. I  might of had a million things in common with some of those people, I might have had nothing else but Grateful Dead in common with some of those people, but how was I to know just by looking at them. It really hit me that I should not be worrying about all this stuff that didn't matter. It was like I was putting all this worry in my head for no reason. As I think is the case with 'fitting in'. I feel it's our own thoughts that can make us feel like we don't fit in, not actually other peoples and in turn, its not them judging but me. Through the awkward teenage years and my early twenties, my brain would see a person, say for instance, Amanda Ensing, who I love, and see this gorgeous, put together, fashionable, cool, awesome person, and I'd automatically think, would she like me? I'm hopeless at fashion, would she think I'm not a cool person, etc. These days, I am inspired by the likes of her but not intimidated. I would love to meet her one day and I have a sense of confidence in being me. My makeup may be far from perfect but that isn't important. What would be important is the smile on my face and my attitude when saying hi.


The saying goes "Don't judge a book by it's cover" and I believe that is 110 % applicable to people too. We are all equal, no one is better than you because they are dressed a certain way, no one is cooler than you because they know all the words and no one is classier than you because you somehow always look 16 even when you try your hardest to dress and look 27.

We don't have to abide by the labels that society has created, stand up tall and be proud of who you are, you are you and no one else in the world can be you, that in itself makes you incredibly awesome! :)

Before I go, I thought we could do an exercise and practice our confidence, I'll go first, then I'd love for you to join in in the comments below.

Ahem, "I'm a 27 year old women who gets mistaken for being 16 all the time, I look young, but what can you do? I love wrestling, working out and feeling strong, though I'm not very tough at all, I'm rather squeamish, don't like scary movies, and can't stand watching people fight or get hurt. I can be extremely girlie and love romance, makeup and being in love. I can sing along to Hilary Duff and One Direction but some of my favourite artists include Ray Lamontagne and The Doors. I'm a bookworm through and through yet the odd night out can be fun. I would happily go to a Good Charlotte concert these days dressed in a bright pink, frilly polka dot dress and be proud. I don't believe I fit into a category, I'm just me and the world and all the things in it is my oyster."

Your turn! :)

Have a great day! Be you!
Love Lucy xx


2 comments :

  1. Loved reading this post very much, Lucy. I found myself nodding to so much of what you said here. Gee, I do miss S Club 7, by the way haha. I felt the same way you did about Good Charlotte but with the Spice Girls- their girl power message really influenced me.

    I think because I've been so shy all my life, it's taken me a bit longer to fully accept myself and be okay with myself. I mean, I was always true to myself when it came to presenting myself in front of others (that's why, more often than not, they'd only see me as shy or nice- I couldn't fake being outgoing). These days, I still find myself be intimidated around some people but more often than not, I am able to keep calm and just do me. A few times I still feel like I'm not cool enough to be around some people (especially in the blogging world- reaching out to favorite bloggers has been a bit disappointing as most don't really want to become friends) but in real life, I think it's easier to stand out and blend in in a normal way- not sure if that makes sense. :)

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    1. Aww thank you so much Victoria! Its nice to know someone else understands what I'm talking about! :) I think you make perfect sense and it makes me happy that you are learning to just do you even in moments when you get intimidated! I'm still working on that one too, trying to calm myself down and just breathe. You are awesome! :) xx

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